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Divorce is often used in reference to the dissolution of marriage. According to the dictionary divorce can also be used to refer to the separation of anything that should go together. Divorce can be rather shocking to those going through the end of their marriage. This is partly due to the fact that they were so sure they belonged together and now recognize they were wrong to marry. Some acquaintances who had gone through divorce were astounded by their feelings of failure. Others, such as me for example, had a different reaction to divorce than those with whom I conversed. The autonomy gained by ending my marriage was something I had thought of and wanted for years before telling my husband. When we finally had the discussion, I was not the one who was shocked. My husband was the one who was surprised by the thought of divorce. The feeling of failure was because I thought I should have recognized before we married that my husband and I were actually not "things" that should go together. If we had both known this fact, we would have saved our families and ourselves a lot of misery and money. We had no children so the situation might have been a little different from those divorced couples who did. The fact that there were no children involved may have influenced my feelings. So rather than a sense of failure and shock, I actually felt relief when it was finally over. However, from many conversations with divorced friends who do have children, it is obvious that divorce is harder on the children than on the spouses. After all, the outcome of the decision to divorce has a huge influence on children who have had not been involved in that decision. Two people decide to marry and they make that decision partly because they are positive that they belong together. Obviously, we can discount those couples who do so for monetary reasons or perhaps immigration purposes. The actuality is that no one can know that they belong together until they live together. My mother told me that many years ago. As a matter of fact, she said that you can never really know anyone until you work with them or live with them. After reading the dictionary definition of divorce, I do agree that people marry another person because they feel they belong together. But the reason for divorce is that once they live together and maybe even have a family, they may find out that they don't, in fact, go together, which results in divorce.
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